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I’m tempted to just say “Everyone have a great fall, I’ll be taking a break for a little while,” but I wanted to say more … so I’m going to get personal here.
My reason for taking a bit of a break is more than just to focus on all the new things coming. I need to take a breath and give myself time to grieve. This morning I had a hard time getting out of bed. The thought that finally got me up was making banana pudding.
Three weeks ago I made banana pudding for my grandma. She had been staying with us while my parents were moving across the country from Portland to Texas. I asked her when she arrived at my house what her favorite food was, desert or dinner, I wanted to know what would she eat if she could choose anything. She told me banana pudding.
Three weeks ago I returned home well after dinner time. My washing machine stopped working the day before, and so I spent part of my Saturday evening at the laundromat with my husband and kids. When we left home to go, grandma was sleeping. We stopped for pizza on our way back home. Grandma woke up at the sound of four kids entering the house (not a quiet thing ever), but I could tell that the pizza didn’t sound appetizing to her. I told her that I’d make her some banana pudding. When I went to the pantry to get out the pudding, I realized that I had confused lemon pudding for banana pudding. Grandma hadn’t felt very well all week and had skipped too many meals. Determined to get something in my grandma’s tummy, I ran to the store to grab the right flavor pudding.
She ate and enjoyed her banana pudding. I sat on the floor of her room and chatted with her for a few hours that night while she slowly ate. We didn’t talk about anything too memorable. I told her funny stories of my kids (her great-grandchildren) to make her laugh. It all felt so normal. It was completely shocking when she passed away the next day.
In the past three weeks, we’ve had my grandma’s funeral, 18 members of my family stayed at my house, my husband has travelled for work for 2 weeks, our washing machine was repaired, all of my kids have started school/ preschool, my twins had their 10th birthday, we threw a 10th birthday party that my girls have been planning excitedly for months, my husband had his birthday, all of my credit/debit cards had fraud activity, I’ve not slept much, and life just keeps plowing on. Kids still need 3 meals a day and clean clothes, even if their mom is mourning.
Today I am letting myself just be. My husband took my oldest two kids to a big Lego League Kickoff event, and I’m at home with my youngest two. My sweet 8 year old is my toddler’s favorite friend. They are watching The Land Before Time while I’m in the kitchen making banana pudding.
I’m just not feeling like myself. In an effort of self-survival, I’m pausing everything I can and taking things slowly. I know that if I give myself a break and let myself grieve, I will feel like myself again soon.
Sometimes we have to take a step back to move forward.
Thank you so much for being the best readers on the planet. I am so blessed to get to do what I love, and I owe it to you.
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I’m so sorry for your loss! Hugs.
Take your time and take care of you! Thanks for all your inspiration! HUGS…
You have been and will remain in my thoughts and prayers…
So glad you are doing this, my friend. Take all the time you need. Take care of you….
Mary, you probably don’t remember me, but we were in the same freshman ward at BYU. We just moved from NWA, but I saw your name on the Facebook NWA swap page once and remembered you and then found your blog. I am sorry to hear about your grandma. How lucky you both were to have some time together before she passed. I also wanted to let you know how much I’ve enjoyed looking through your blog and getting inspiration and motivation for my organizing projects I’ve always loved organizing and it’s great to see some fresh ideas!
Enjoy as much banana pudding as you need to. I really enjoyed your lesson in RS last week. Take care of yourself and drink a Dr. Pepper with your banana pudding if need be!
So I’ve been reading more books lately. And some are dry, some okay, some great. You have a talent for writing to captivate an audience and keep their attention.
I am so very sorry. I found your blog not too long ago and have been enjoying following along and reading past posts. Please take all of the time you need. I look forward to seeing your new site and new material when you return.
You’re amazing! Take care of yourself so you can continue to give to others.
So very sorry for your loss. Grandmothers are really hard to lose. May God comfort you during this time.
So sorry for your loss! Take as much time as you need to grieve for your grandma. Losing those we love is never easy.
Oh Mary, you have a wise hubby and friend…and you are wise to listen to them. Grief is a strange thing, different for everyone. After my hubby died, I told people that I probably wouldn’t answer the phone…and almost 9 years later, I very seldom answer it. Grief takes time; you can’t hurry up and get over it. Matter of fact, you always have a hole in your heart. Revisiting old blogs is good; for those who need refreshed and those who never read them before. I pray you get the much needed rest and refreshment of your soul. Sending hugs
You are in my prayers
We are praying for you and your family from NC! Our deepest sympathies on your loss.
Take your time. We have the basics down thanks to you
Mary, remember the old adage, if you are in an aeroplane and the oxygen masks come down, you have to take time to make sure your mask is in place before you help others with theirs. This is a time for you to adjust your oxygen mask. Look after yourself first, your family second. Your community can wait. Grief is something we all can understand and it would be a very hard hearted person who would think that you should just carry on with the blog regardless. I took the whole of June off from life’s problems because I just couldn’t deal with them anymore. When July came along they were still there but I had the physical and mental energy to cope with them again. Prayers for you all at this time. Hope your parents are well. Andrea, Harrogate, North Yorkshire, England.
So wonderful that you are taking the time to nourish yourself. I look forward to your new blog design. Hugs xx
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Granny while I was in graduate school – just before final exam week. At the time it was the biggest loss I had ever experienced – even though I knew it was coming I was still surprised. In the coming days, be kind to yourself as the wave of emotions come. We will be here when you get back. Your family is in my prayers.
Take all the time you need. Sending you and yours warm and loving thoughts. You have the best planners, ever!
Mary, it’s important to take care of yourself and your family. Sending healing thoughts & prayers,
Theresa
You and your family are blessed. And, your grandma was blessed to have such a wonderful granddaughter.
So very sorry for the loss of your beloved grandma. I really appreciate you and your blog. Please take as much time as you need to feel better. Best wishes.
So very sorry to hear of your loss, but also glad for the few hours the two of you had together. Glad you listened to some great advice, and will be reading your new site when you return in the fall. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
So sorry to hear of your loss! Praying for you and hugs, Mary!
Love was and is in your home. God Bless!
So sorry for your loss Mary. Your fans totally understand your need to grieve the sudden loss of your special grandmother. Please take the time to take care of yourself. Sending healing thoughts from my heart to yours.
Love you Mary. I have been weepy today myself. It still seems so unreal. I sometimes feel like she is still at your house. And then I remember she is gone. But we know she is gone to a wonderful place and she is with other family members that have gone before her. I find myself talking to her all the time. She will always be in my heart. Love, Mom xoxo
I am so sorry for your loss. having been the fortunate grand child of grands and greats of nanas and papaws I can so empathize with this part of lifes journey. take care of yourself and your children and the different ways they will mourn.
Hugs and prayers Mary. I am so sorry for your loss. My grandmother was my rock and I loved her so much. I lost her at the age of 20 and I’m 62 today and I still get stingy eyes when I think about her.
Sometimes you just need to take time for yourself. I understand about feeding your family and the clean clothes, but grief is something everyone deals with differently. And though I’ve had my share of it every experience is different.
Prayers and hugs from Oklahoma.
Teresa
I am so sorry Mary! Glad you have a great husband and friends encouraging you to take it easy!
Praying for you today!
Aww Mary, such sad news but sounds like you had a lovely time with her the night before. Taking time out is the best thing to do. It allows some of the lovely memories to keep you company. Hugs from Scotland! Janette xx
You are so sweet to share what is really going on. Sorry for your loss and I look forward to some of your previous posts.
So sorry for your loss. Take time for yourself and we will be here when you can return! Eat all the banana pudding you can and I just love your grandma got to have her banana pudding (bet you are glad you made the effort to go to the store). Regroup!
I hope you take comfort from all the caring, kind and sweet wishes sent your way. No one would know your heartache unless you shared it with us. I’m so glad you did and hope that you are finding that there are so many people who care about you! Your uplifting, honest and cheerful blog has helped me when I’ve felt down before. It is so difficult to have a dear one pass and you do need to take time for yourself. I will pray for you…((hugs)).
{{HUGS}} I was sad to hear that your Grandmother is no longer with us but so pleased you were able to spend that one last night with her. I’m sure she is still smiling over you. Take the time you need, we’ll still be here when you get back.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my grandma my freshman year in college – 21 years ago this November and I still miss her everyday. Many hugs and prayers sent your way. <3 <3 <3
Prayers for you and your family!! You deserve to take time for yourself to grieve. Please know that you have helped so many with your blog. When I’m feeling overwhelmed with the clutter in my life, I can always come to your blog and get some inspiration. Think of all the prayers, love and good vibes that are coming to you through your readers. You are a blessing to all of us. We love you!
Thank you so much 🙂